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Solitude is not easy. The yearning of the body and mind to go out, to rest, to indulge in pleasure and entertainment is always there. Fatigue rises by the day, and eventually, every outing to the city or meeting with others becomes a necessity, not just entertainment. I go out once, twice, or three times a week—to different events, language exchanges, and meetups—but outside of those brief encounters, I spend my time alone. However, as fatigue slowly builds, habits grow stronger. The inclination to start the same task, despite some mental resistance, becomes easier, almost automatic. The mind settles into a loop—a loop that is becoming ingrained—and I need that, because consistency plays a major role in my potential to succeed.

Being a man, I recognize the same urges in myself that exist in so many others—the urge to chase pleasure, whether through games, parties, food, or women. But I choose to say no to these distractions. I am driven by my priorities; they become sacred, leading me to embrace the cold persistence that brings lasting results rather than fleeting moments of pleasure. I found that those moments offer nothing in the long run—just an expenditure of energy and nothing more.

Days alone, endless repetition, the mundane routine taking over—day after day, month after month. The mind grows weary, so I find ways to rest it. I avoid using my eyes when I don’t need to, letting the perception of sound and touch guide me as I walk down the street, move around at home, or type on the keyboard. Occasionally, I open my eyes for a split second to catch details of my environment, just enough to navigate it blindly. I go out to language exchanges and meetups to rest my mind, allowing the senses and social brain to take over—deciphering signals, reading body language, listening without interpreting or analyzing. I go out, but always with a purpose—whether to recover from the intense daily absorption of information, practice a language, or better understand human nature. I observe how the “self” contained within this brain reacts to its surroundings, constantly examining its relationship to other minds.

Occasionally, there are restless nights—when the mind refuses to shut down, still locked in action, unwilling to surrender to sleep even though the energy is spent. Other nights, the only free time I have for any entertainment is when I should be shutting down. But I know that if I don’t, I risk not waking up early enough to complete every task on my daily list of objectives. Then there are brief moments on some nights when the feeling of being alone is much clearer, as I reminisce about the warmth of a former lover by my side. My mind sometimes drifts into visualizing the comfort of a woman’s presence—a companion I cannot afford, not for lack of desire, but for lack of time and energy. That energy is reserved for my ambition—to achieve, to excel. Sacrifice? Yes. But it is a sacrifice I am prepared to make. And as for desire, in relation to the pleasure of the flesh, it is still here, but it is a blind and unintelligent guide. It led me through countless, utterly meaningless nights searching for pleasure, attending parties every week for a very primitive purpose—one that held no higher investment in my future and wasted vast amounts of energy. I call these “crimes of desire”—acts of stupidity and shortsightedness—quite unforgivable. The desire within me has not lost its energy; it is still very much alive. But it no longer holds the reins of power. It is no longer the ruler of this mind, which has learned to listen to something with a higher potential for achieving something more meaningful in life.

Living alone in solitude can be difficult, but it is fueled by ambition. Here, I learned the true meaning of saying “no.” I’ve often heard that highly successful people master the art of refusal—not as rejection, but as a strategic “yes” to what truly matters. No to aimless socializing, where time slips away in empty conversation. Time is a resource, and though I may not yet feel its scarcity in youth, I know it is finite. The more goals I have—and I have many—the less time I can afford to waste. No to romantic relationships, no to a girlfriend—commitments that demand money, energy, and time. I see them as liabilities. And I cannot afford any liabilities.

So you might be wondering—what consumes me? What is it that devours so much of my time and energy? Where is the dictatorship that dictates this way of living? Each of these pursuits, on their own, may not seem overwhelming. But taking them all on at once—that is the true challenge. It all essentially comes down to one thing—expanding the mind, its capabilities, and its skills. The goals I set for myself are my highest priority in life. And given the magnitude of my ambitions, there are very few things I can afford to say yes to.

Languages: Arabic is a difficult language, but I am absolutely locked in on achieving fluency. In that, I am ruthless. I have already seen proof with Chinese. With time and effort, any task is just a matter of persistence; nothing is impossible. At the same time, I am learning another language in secret—not as intensively as Arabic, but still with significant dedication. And beyond that, I am also laying the foundation for yet another language. So in essence, I am learning three languages. One you know—Arabic. The other two you will hear about when they have matured enough to be revealed. I’m not talking about Spanish, which I refine once or twice a week during language exchanges. Yes, I believe I have become greedy with languages—in the best possible sense. But I see it as a price worth paying, a necessary cost for achieving something that few, if any, have ever accomplished in this human world.

Music: At the same time, I have been learning piano for an hour every day for over half a year. I am fully committed—I want to master the piano, no matter how long it takes. Whether it takes five years or ten, I will keep playing until the keyboard becomes an extension of my mind—until I can intuitively speak through sound, brought to life by the movements of my fingertips.

Physical activity: Physical training and running are not just about maintaining a strong and healthy body—they are about aligning my physical strength with the strength of my mind, which I am eager to develop. They are also about sculpting a body that embodies both power and aesthetic beauty, a finely developed human armor. As for other pursuits in physical movement, I have a very specific reason for learning to dance Cuban salsa. But my true motivation has little to do with the dance itself. Instead, it is tied to something deeper, something psychological that I have observed within myself—a method of breaking through certain mental barriers and limitations. Perhaps, when the time is right, I will share exactly what I mean. But for now, anything more than what I’ve said is unnecessary.

Psychological: I have a deeply ingrained goal—to uncover the inner workings of the mind, to dispel illusions, conditioning, and the lies imposed on us by society and ourselves. This goal is woven into everything I do, in every moment, because it is directly tied to the essence of living itself. The pursuit of fully understanding and freeing perception—stripping it of thought-beliefs and conditioning—and unraveling the innumerable layers and secrets of this ancient human brain. However, no, I do not seek this knowledge through books, because I suspect that uncovering certain truths is not a matter of acquiring more information, but perhaps something entirely different. This is also a point of potential contradiction, as the very mind trying to free itself from conditioning—my mind—creates even more conditioning of its own, conditioning to achieve, to excel, and so on. But I won’t go into detail in this week’s post, it deserves its own title.

Freedom: The steps toward achieving true freedom in today’s society inevitably lead to wealth because, in the world we have created, there is no freedom without money. Society, politics, and even religion are based on the circulation and accumulation of wealth. Survival and quality of life are all dictated by how much wealth one has and how well one manages it. Limited money means limited food, limited travel, and limited quality of life—all while being a willing slave to a 9-to-5 job, often with a company whose existence is only based on a document. People, due to a lack of options, spend their energy and time for very little money—barely enough to live a good life. The movie The Matrix showed a chilling vision: humans reduced to batteries, giving away all their life energy for little in return. But isn’t that, in a very real sense, what’s actually happening? The vast majority of us are reduced to cogs—biological machines, batteries for a system, generating profits for others, with no end in sight. And it’s like this all over the world—whether in Japan, Argentina, Europe, or Africa.

Other things: Then there are my side projects—creating content in writing, as I am doing here, and in video format. I have already recorded my first piece of content and will upload it to a channel, which I don’t feel the need to share, especially since it’s a sort of prototype project for something else I want to do in the future. As you’ve probably realized by now, I am somewhat secretive—I do not share the full scope of my plans and activities, nor do I divulge many details. But I am not important in this world, nor do I feel the need to pretend otherwise. After all, I am not seeking validation or recognition—not from you, not from anybody.

Having said all that, I want to achieve my goals quickly so I can establish a family and have children—so that I will have enough time to watch them grow, develop, and, one day, observe them guide and nurture their own children with true meaning behind the word “wisdom.” Otherwise, if my plans take too long, I risk having little time to observe their path in life.

For now, I live in solitude—no family, no friends. Occasionally, I see familiar and respectable faces—people who are valuable and who do not impose their views on how I should live or think.