"Write site title here…"

Fire doesn’t burn forever.

It was interesting, to say the least, to have found out that moment where I thought I knew everything—but then I realized I knew nothing.

The brain is lost. There are states of the brain itself which are completely alien to our awareness, where we don’t even know that they exist. And any spoken description of it treats everything as an idea, a belief—without actually seeing, experiencing, feeling the change in the brain itself, in the entire world it recreates, as it happens.

How do you describe the indescribable without turning the thing which is described into a fancy idea or belief? The states of the brain which have been lost to us. It is obvious—millions of people all around the world, living in a dream of memories, ideas, beliefs about the world and themselves. Living in a loop, in conflicts, in struggle, in hope, and so on, and on, and on. But enough of this. Some things are to be discovered—not read, merely heard, interpreted, or imagined.

The video project I’m working on has progressed. I’ve progressed. I… (the more this brain understands certain things about itself, the more using “I” becomes meaningless, as the sense of an “I”—the self-sustaining illusion of “self”—is experiencing disintegration).

“I” knew from the start that everything which is new—like using unknown software, an image editor like GIMP, or DaVinci—will take a lot of time in the beginning. Because in the beginning, I look at the screen and know nothing. I don’t know how to upload, how to cut, how to change, how to modify, how to add stuff—it’s one big unknown darkness, missing knowledge. But as one sits in front of the computer and uses, discovers, learns, finds out, this darkness of not knowing is being lighted up. You know more, you understand how DaVinci works.

When I want to achieve something—like an effect, a transition, or a change—I go to ChatGPT or YouTube or Google, or all of them, to find an answer on how to do that which I want.

The knowledge of using the program expands like lightning. Steadily, slowly, more and more can be done. And it’s beautiful.

Yes, there is a lot of frustration, especially when something just doesn’t work, again and again. But—holding onto it—like waves of the ocean crashing, bashing into the cliff… the cliff being an obstacle, but the waters never cease. And within time, the obstacle which seemed impossible to tear down moves a few kilometers into the land. Now, the seemingly immovable cliff is moving closer and closer inward—backward and backward.

The same goes for holding on and bashing those obstacles until they eventually crumble. As long as I have the drive to do it, I will do it. I am doing it.

With the pace I have, and with life and living retaining order after chaos of change, I should have a video ready soon enough. If not in April, definitely in May. The most important thing is getting it started—whatever that may require. And once the train is in motion, nothing will stop it.

Just like with those posts. In the beginning, making my own website took me a lot of time. And then, posting these posts also wasn’t fast enough. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to upload. Also, the writing wasn’t as smooth as it is now.

Now I feel more comfortable expressing myself about anything here. I can just pick up a Word file and start writing, and the ideas never end. Now posting written posts became as easy as putting your clothes in the laundry machine, almost zero effort. Speaking of posts…

Recently I was dark. Sometimes, some things require me to speak in vague. Sometimes I’m bright. Sometimes I’m giving some tips on stuff, how to be more productive, etc.—those were my previous old posts.

Today? Today is just this.

Order is coming back—but not the order like before.

Chaos will knock at my doorstep, of course—if I forget, if I become blind again—or more precisely, when I become blind to my blindness.

We’re all connected to something. Our identity being based on words—“I’m an American,” “I’m a Catholic,” “I like this,” “I follow this,” “I don’t follow that,” “I believe in this,” or “I don’t believe in that,” or “oppose that.”

Stuck.

Whereas we don’t even see—actually see—that we’re things, moving. Not like a rock or dirt, but moving, through this mysterious form we call life. Living.

Believing in foolish ideas. Beliefs about how God—which thought created—created man and woman.

Believing in delusions, fantasies, which are only inevitably creating more and more confusion.

But enough. I digress. Again.

But then again, what does each animal call itself without such a sophisticated tool as vocal and written language? Do they just not exist at all in their mind—void of words, but filled with other senses?

Or do they simply live, without trying to interpret things? Things which are clear do not need interpretation. Things just are, the way they are. No thinking involved, no contemplating, no believing—just seeing.

But the brain seems not to be satisfied. It goes on and on and on. The constant chattering of language and images inside our brain, covering and obscuring everything—making everything so miserable. A life full of problems, in every direction.

You may read it again, if you wish—the words I just wrote. But to get on with the content of this post, I have to continue…

Order is coming back into life.

And of course, once one has decided to engage in too many projects, one must be efficient at managing time—because time, when you’re learning and doing so many things, becomes limited.

Becomes a resource which is either utilized or wasted.

Time is draining away every second—unlike other resources where the drainage can be limited, like energy or money.

Is it worth it? Is it worth learning… well, I’m gonna stop right there. I’m not a fan of oversharing. I always choose what I reveal about myself.

But to finish the thought, with one thought missing in between… hell yes. Oh yes. It is so worth it.

I know because I felt it today. I felt what it would mean if I had the skills I’m trying to develop—and it’s so fucking worth it.

It’s interesting how, when one destabilizes his personality, modifies it—how everything follows. Like how the language one uses is changing. The usage of words and all that.

Everything changes, while some things stay the same.

But the earth is shaken already.

And nothing will remain the same eventually—not even those things which seem old and rigid.

It seems to me now—today—at the very moment of moving my fingers and typing these words, that in order to get on track, in order to put the motion forward, I’d have to take two steps back.

So that’s what I will do.

Sleepless nights build up a deficit of sleep. I need to take care of that—otherwise, what’s the point?

Doing stuff at night, not having energy the next day, and pushing, pushing, and pushing.

The real problem—or I think it is a problem—is that I never really knew what it means to just stop. Not do stuff. Relax.

But at the same time, the results I want from life—they’re the only things that put a smile on my heart.

Those are the things that move me, that create me. My goals.

But now I think—what if I would take a step back because of these goals, for these goals, for the purpose of those goals?

I might do it. I will figure it out.

Especially since once the mind puts itself to something—it reaches.

As long as it doesn’t stop.

Don’t stop. Even if you stop—don’t stop.

I think it’s time. I don’t think, it is the time. It is time for the birth of a true early bird. The morning owl side of my very being. And as I wrote it, the image of an owl in my head just opened its eyes, and its stare is too much to ignore, beautiful, stare of order of the other side.

“My eyes are open.”