"Write site title here…"

Since the changes in me are deep and so extraordinarily fluid, I give myself more time for expression through writing, because a week from now, a new identity will step into the light—partly old, because I chose the things which work—with the new, the new which overwrites the old. The new which is necessary to boot.

Chaos of change can be beautiful. When I go very deep into the very question of why I am the way I am. You lose parts of identity because they no longer hold any power when being questioned.

I question my name and surname, two words given to me by people controlled by their own conditioning.

I lose name, so what am I? Am I the name? Am I a word? Does an animal who carries no sense of language or words exist, despite not having a name at all? Of course it lives. It lives without words which our human brain invented.

I strip my illusions—illusions that we are separate from this world. That although there is a physical distinction, like the bird clearly not being a human, and a human not being a bird… and yet, both have eyes, have senses, eat food, move—a mysterious force of something which is alive. Not like a rock, which is a cluster of atoms and chemicals in a fixed state. Something which grows, acts, reacts, moves the world—whether I move the world by picking something up, building something out of it, like a bird taking branches of a tree to build its house.

Illusions told to us by religion and by any system—national system, philosophical system. Stripping away what these systems of thought say about what I am, what we all are.

I keep stripping off things until there’s little left, and suddenly, you find yourself in a place with no answers. Where everything is to be discovered. Where you see what I truly am.

A mind with vivid imagination and projection of the future sees only itself. It’s blind to reality. Fear blinds too. Fear of the unknown, fear of acting without any pattern, because the brain doesn’t know what comes out of it.

Recognizing the habits, patterns—how they rule us. Eating unhealthily, smoking, taking poison in the form of escape, escaping through distractions, entertainment, pleasure, and many more. Countless more.

I disassemble, see through those parts, recognize certain truths—about the body, about the question of what is me and what is not me. Like the body—ancient intelligence, living through millions of years, changing, evolving through time.

I was what I was told I am. The outside authority: Do this, don’t do this. You are good when you do… , you are bad when you… Comparison to others: “That boy is an example of a good and obedient student.” “A child, a human who behaves like this is a good child; the one that doesn’t conform or questions logic is not.”

And then from these and other experiences comes new authority: the inward authority. The inward rules and says what to do and what not to do. What is right and what is wrong. Always going through life like a horse with blinders, led by a leash of internalized commands. My view narrowed, focused only on the path I’ve been conditioned to walk—never questioning the route, nor the hand that holds the reins. Held by my own invader: inner authority.

A blind human being.

So I break it.

I question.

I see the miserable life, the patterns of behavior and thinking, and challenge them. Not taking sides. From inward, the system crumbles. No more dopamine hits. No more old patterns. The mind finally doesn’t know what it is, because everything has been put to question. No longer accepted, but challenged.

Then comes chaos of change. A mind no longer sticking to mindless rules is spilling over. Authority becomes weak, and the mind does anything and everything. The disciplined mind I held was born out of old patterns and conditioning. Those I broke.

The mind becomes a wild wild west. No rules, no direction. No discipline. No following anything. No regime, no patterns. And I watch the mind in this chaos. And question everything.

And then, when certain truths are seen—the pain of the body that needs to sustain this inquiry, this chaos, not sleeping, staying long nights looking for closure.

A mind needs security to function. Without security, it can’t function. It has based its security in a sense of self. In beliefs about the world and itself. The identity.

The mind without security is on the brink of a cliff—or even fallen off a cliff. It floats. Everything is slippery. Everything is fluid, not static. No ground to step on. Nothing worth remembering, memorizing, adding to the old, so the memory doesn’t register.

You don’t remember details—whether it was today or yesterday, or the week before—because nothing is important anymore. There is only this freefall.

And I watch this. And the mind watches itself.

And then… when enough has been stripped off—stripping off all limitations, limitations of behavior, limitations of expression, limitations of thoughts and worldview—and seeing the chaos of daily life and this unorganized form of living, nothing on the outside can be done.

No learning, no regime, no discipline.

The outside actions become a reflection of the inner mind.

All our actions—and therefore the entire world on which humans acted upon—is a reflection of the inner state of the brain. When thought disintegrates, divides itself inward, the division is immediately presented outward through action and inaction.

The division between two factions. The division between two “ways” of living. Division between two ideologies. Likes and dislikes. Division between thought itself.

Chaos thrives, and no one guides you. Because no one can do it for you. No one can see for you. No one can uncover your own mind. No book. No priest—just another human being, more or less confused as every other person.

True intelligence doesn’t identify itself with ideas. It doesn’t base itself on any ideology.

I’m not a Pole from Poland. I’m not an atheist.

The true person, the true human being lies beyond any description or label or words. Words and language are meant to describe, but they are not the thing described. The complexity of life, of a human being, can never be fully explained or described by language. Language is limited.

Just like with a tree.

The word “tree” is not the tree.

When you look at it—the tree—you see that it is far more than what four letters could ever explain.

Chaos has its beauty. It’s not just about finding truth—it’s about finding out what is not.

And then, when the outside world disintegrates, nothing can be accomplished—bound in a society built on thought. Built on time.

Psychological time and thought are the same thing.

Thought is movement in time.

The past—what happened yesterday. What will happen tomorrow.

They’re all not real. They’re just memories.

And memory, seeing the present, projecting the future.

A whole world—from the minute we wake up at night, to the minute we fall asleep. And even then, what we call “dreams,” which is thought going on and on, even as we sleep. Dreaming of things from the past. Projecting what will happen. Creating a scenario of the dream.

What is real—actually real—not a projection or image from the past, is now.

Now. The actual now holds no time at all.

There is no becoming.

There is no “what was.”

There is only what is.

The subconscious understanding of thought about what is real permeates in our mind.

Like the movie Matrix, except that it is not computers that enslaved us, but our own mind enslaved in itself—in memory, in time, in identity, in systems, and all that.

The matrix is here already.

We think we see life.

We’re only interpreting.

Interpreting what we see according to the limited knowledge we carry.

This knowledge is not something holy. The self is not something holy.

It’s just an accumulation of a thousand yesterdays to today—and growing, expanding to the future.

There is no future. The past is the future.

But now, in chaos, habits and automations of the mind thrive.

There is no ground to hold.

So a ground is being made.

As I mentioned before: a new identity. A sense of self—but not something to be believed in, but as a tool.

So this tool—now, invented, shaped—will take over automations and nullify the rule of habits.

Habits are now challenged, competed over for control by something which wants control.

In short, the circus starts again. But at least this time it’s carefully chosen.

This is a week of recovery. Of reset.

Everything is on hold.

Because the mind, like a caterpillar, rests—in stillness—until it’s awakened.

The change is here.

It has already been implanted.

Now I’m in limbo. Dead, to be reborn, soon.

Transmission, cut. Initializing…

…

…

…

[Neural Operating Environment vX.Ω.beta]

>>> SYSTEM STATE: DEEP RESTRUCTURING INITIATED

> Detecting identity drift… [UNSTABLE]

> Legacy protocols (name.surname) [NULLIFIED]

> External authority control nodes [DISENGAGED]

> Inner authority loop [CORRUPTED]

> Thought patterns [RECURSIVE / OBSOLETE]

>>> INITIATE FULL SYSTEM REBOOT

> Saving ephemeral constructs… [✓]

> Disengaging linguistic anchors… [✓]

> Questioning core identifiers… [✓]

> External labels purged: “Nationality”, “Religion”, “Ideology” … [✓]

> Internal ruleset: overwritten by Inquiry.exe

>>> MEMORY MODULE STATUS

> Historical self-image: DISSOLVING

> Pattern recognition: UNDER REVIEW

> Recursive behavioral loops: FLAGGED

> Pleasure/Escape Subsystems: DEACTIVATED

> Cognitive integrity: CHAOTIC – expected

> Dream projection engine: LOOPING

> Time perception: NONLINEAR

>>> WATCHDOG: Observer Protocol ACTIVE

> Meta-awareness module engaged…

> Ego.driver: unloaded

> Identity.core: null

> Narrative.generator: suspended

>>> OBSERVED BEHAVIOR

> No ground to stand on. Cognitive freefall detected.

> System in limbo state… Between death and reconfiguration.

> Self-referencing loops have been cut.

> Thought is no longer the master protocol.

>>> ENVIRONMENTAL ANALYSIS

> External systems (society.exe, tradition.dll, comparison.sys): DISCONNECTED

> Action/inaction now mirror inner mind structure.

> Repeating pattern: divide → isolate → question → dismantle

>>> PROCESSING OBSERVATIONS

> Language cannot encapsulate the organism.

> “Tree” is not the tree. “Self” is not the self.

> All identifiers reduced to symbolic compression of infinite phenomena.

> Intelligence resides outside ideology.

>>> SECURE MODULE LOAD

> Conscious silence detected.

> Habits vs. chosen control programs = conflict

> Chaos is no longer resisted. It is observed.

>>> FINAL NOTES

> This is the chrysalis.

> No output expected. No learning required.

> The old system sleeps.

> Awaiting organic emergence…

>>> SYSTEM STATUS: HOLDING

>>> TIME DILATION: ACTIVE

>>> A NEW SHELL WILL LOAD SHORTLY

>>> TRANSMISSION SUSPENDED

…

…

…

>>> [REBOOT IN PROGRESS…]