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I see everyone. Everything. But never my own face in the mirror. And that’s what scared me.

But now I see, me, the thing that writes these words, is only a part of the brain, not the brain itself.

Any personality or identity I hold is just a tool, something used for the necessities of the society our thoughts created.

I’m no one. Just a pair of eyes. Fingers typing. A body. Memory. Brain. Just the brain of an ape.

The face is just a biological thing. Muscles. Eyes. Really, at the core, it’s not much different from other animals.

My face could burn off in an accident, get disfigured, get old, or be completely changed with surgery… hmm… maybe one day.

But what’s the point of changing the face? It’s just like a tattoo—just a picture.

One man once said:

Once you‘ve withstood a storm—the internal turmoil of change and transformation—you become the storm.

Here is the full script of that talk, because I’ve listened to it countless times, and it’s a key talk that represents a small part of my transformation, but a very significant one. Mr. Robot season 4 episode 7:

“And now that you know the truth, you can use it. I know cause I’ve done it, I’ve been through it. … They took a lot from me. Your dad, he took a lot from you too, but he didn’t take everything. See, this shit you went through, most people don’t know pain like that. They never will. And if they did, it would end them. But the people who dig in, the ones who keep surviving, those are the ones you can’t beat. Those are the ones no one can beat. Because once you’ve weathered a storm like yours… you become the storm. You hear me? You are the storm. And it’s the rest of the world that needs to run for cover. Your power is beautiful, … It’s special. Don’t you believe that? Do you want to believe it?”

The face is not me. The name is not me. Not even the ideas or beliefs.

These are always old, deteriorating.

If you believe in Jesus or anything else, it’s just an old pattern.

Once you strip all those away, you see: you are none of those things.

Seeing. Thinking.

Thinking doesn’t matter. It’s just a mechanism, a flawed one, when it covers the truth.

Truth is not time. Truth is not an idea. It’s not talk.

It exists, but it becomes meaningless in the stillness of a moment—which has no time.

The sun rises and falls on the horizon of our eyes. Changes. Some rhythmic, some regular—just like our lives.

We don’t question it.

I do. I question a lot of things.

The rest is in Chinese.

But if you’re smart, you’ll translate it for yourself.

You do in your life what you want to do—or what you think you should do.

As for me—I’m not concerned.

站在一个独立的地方，身边没人，或者有人，但他们都活在自己的世界里。被思想和意念占据了。思想只是一个工具，不代表我的世界。

现在，我启动了我的大脑，我看见了脑海最深处的部分。

你必须摧毁你原来的世界，你的身份。当你摧毁了你的家，摧毁了大脑中固执的结构和固定的思想框架时，你可能会变得疯了。但是，只有摧毁旧的东西，才能创造新的生活、新的思想。

不依赖任何人，这件事很难。但我可以做到。我能做到，是因为我够强。而让自己变强，是一个过程，是可以做到的。

现在，我就开始这个改变。很久以前我就制定了计划：我的大脑要让汉语和英语一样熟练。为了让汉语达到我当前英语的水平，汉语必须成为我生活的语言。思考、娱乐、音乐、写笔记、写帖子——都必须用汉语来运行。现在，我让汉语接管我的大脑。只有这样，我才能确保汉语彻底取代英语。这样做，我才能有能力应对接下来的语言——阿拉伯语、日语和韩语。

我曾经以为孤独是一种软弱。但最近几个星期我才意识到，作为一个与众不同的人，独立是不可避免的。我才明白，能够独自存在，不逃避，是一种强大的力量。极大的力量。

所以我意识到，我必须全面投入我的计划。每一个动作、每一个思想，整个生命和身份，都必须与我的未来完全一致。

汉语、左撇子、中文生活……我的旧身份必须彻底摧毁，新的身份才会诞生。我现在叫宋凯彦，这是我的新名字。等阿拉伯语强化之后，我将成为كريم 。等阿拉伯语取代汉语，日语就会进入，言翔就会诞生。

今天的帖子要简短。但今天，就是我新生活的第一步。