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A personal blog is an expression of an individual, or it can mean anything, because words each have their own meaning and description in each human head, although they may not always be the same, quite often, if I might add.

A way of writing, without structure, but as a flow of mind which is designed to say… what.

Writing a personal blog to an audience is no longer personal. So, the imaginary feeling of having an audience does create distortion, meaning it influences expression.

So, is it possible to write for no audience at all. The mind is so quick to jump to conclusions, only satisfied with quick answers and progress that seemingly comes out of them.

But, to stop, and think, with closed eyes as the fingers are typing the keyboard as we speak, as I speak, you are just reading a residue of thought.

A mind, where thought is not absolute, a living being, human, which feels no fear, has no sense of identity, identification with nothing, yet leaving, seeing. Where thought and thinking are not the whole human being, but where there is something beyond it. It’s like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, which might change everything, you’re walking in the dark, you feel the cliff nearby, but you’re still wandering, feeling it close, realizing slowly the seriousness of the implications of making time, the psychological time we are tied to in the head, stop. No identity, and thinking seen only as echoes, as noise, but no longer assuming ownership over thinking, just watching it, and realizing the cleverness of thinking, which is also watching, and assuming conclusions, and thinking it’s getting free, by creating a story about it.

A mind which is empty. No time. No identity. Not even a shadow of it.

No Past. No Future. Not even now. Only what is.

And at the same time, the mask of ambition is taking over. And the fears and weaknesses of the past creating a wall, erasing itself, creating the wall and the shield, and the means, and the direction. Which eventually, all becomes the only identity there is.

To push forward, or to collapse under the weight of sacrifice.

To assume total direction as the only and primary identity from which all extensions shall grow, or collapse under the weight of ignorance and confusion, and total recklessness and total chaos.

Order, forced. Because I heard that order which comes like a flower which blooms, is not forced, ever. But memory, thinking, insisting on continuity, shaping now to fit with the directive of the past, must be forced. Logically.

Achieving almost everything one wants is possible. The road to it. Is possible. The idea, could be genius, but only as a word or an idea, or road to insanity and perhaps even, total collapse of any sense of security, without which one was told, the brain would not survive, for very long.

Either way, some sacrifice must be made, and I still don’t know what that implies.

In the moment of standing on a psychological crossroad, between two ways in the opposite direction, if one direction wants to win over the other, it should be aware that the other is a mirror, and that to overcome the mirror, it must become something even more distorted, and something more convincing.

Let the direction of life take over the whole identity of a human being, therefore the ambition becoming man, and the human being behind it reduced to a living organism without any of its original self left. Or get rid of all authority of any thought and system of the inner mind, and bringing about a mind which is never fooled, and sees with the highest capacity to perceive truth, without a single distortion.

Two opposites. The real opposites, not like two sides of the same coin. Or bad and evil, where the bad cannot exist without comparison to other, and so on.

Ambition wants both states of mind to coexist, the enslaved, and the totally free one, like a switch, not living at the same time, because that’s impossible, it’s like making fire burn within water, but each one appearing at its right moment, or rather, when ambition and the state of mind of confusion, of thinking, knows when to dispel, wither away.

Is this possible.

Is this possible?

For the brain to be able to assume the position of the sun, and the absence of the sun, all why bringing about the achievement of objectives? This is obviously a question of the side which thinks. But the other, doesn’t think at all, it just sees.

But, all conclusions of any kind by nature are static, and all of them try to close the door to a wider view.

I found that in movement to a certain direction, efficiency is what matters most. Because of how much it encompasses, how effective is one, to reach a point.

Let efficiency be my hand. Voice a mere sound, noticed. Face, as of yet, does not exist. Not that this mind even is clear, whether a face is needed, other than the image others carry, influenced to some extent through actions, children of decisions, of a mind in conflict and struggle.

And the ball is tossed like that, towards freedom, towards control, but all this time, towards freedom was a directive of the mind wanting to document it, and use it. The closer the leap of freedom, the less the mind is certain, of taming it, and even worried, of its own potential death, a sensation, event in the brain never experienced before.